Silent Sabbaths and Sukkah...

Sometimes, in a fit of panic, I wonder if I've joined some Jewish cult, if I'm being brainwashed into this world of environmentalism, spirituality and hyper-awareness. But maybe it's just the fact that it's been awhile since I've been around this many Jews, and that it's even more unusual for me to find mysef surrounded by a tight-knit, intentional community with whom I share so many core values. While I have started to feel slightly suffocated at times, for the most part I consider myself incredibly lucky to be in a place where I feel I can really learn and be challenged by everyone around me, and where daily I have brand new expereinces and revelations. One of the things I love most here is that we seem to take nothing for granted here. There is a strong sense of appreciation here - for everything from the good food and the moon at night to the annoying gnats that somehow play a role in the eco-system and make it all work out.

So, surrounded by opportunities to learn more about Judaism, and especially about the renewal crowd, (Eilat Chayyim, a spiritual retreat center just merged with Isabella Freedman) I have tried to delve into things as much as possible and set my judgements aside....

This weekend, Eilat Chayyim offered a pre-yom kippur silent shababt. I'd been tempted and terrified by the idea of a silent retreat ever since Cora first mentioned it to me last January. In Israel, I had tried to arrange to attend one along the Dead Sea, but the timing never worked out and those retreats were 10 days long. here, in the comfort of my own community, for a mere 36 hours, was a chance to do the totally antithetical thing for Rachel. To shut up, to listen, to not communicate with others in any way. And I really really enjoyed it.

Whoa.

When we entered the orientation, we recieved an "angel card," a slip of paper printed with a single word - the word which would dictate the feeling and spirit of our weekend.

My bright blue card read: Obedience. After a summer of considering the merits of discipline, this seemed appropriate, although daunting.

The basic structure of the meditation was what our facilatator, Jeff, called the "pressure-packed" method. Rather than urging us to clear our thoughts through "vacuum packing" or clearning all thoughts from our mind, he gave us so much to concetrate pn that ideally, no room would be left for errant mind wanderings.

For the next 36 hours, while eating, walking, falling asleep, brushing our teeth, etc...we uttered these four phrases:

May ___________ be blessed with peace.

May ___________ be blessed with joy.

May ___________ be blessed with lovingkindness.

May ___________ be blessed with compassion.

AT first, we filled in the blank with an easy person, a "benefactor." next, we did ourselves our family and then out larger community. By the end of the weekend, the goal was to have us bleesing (silently and repetedly in our heads) everyone from our best friend's godmother, to the guy who hit out fender last week and Osama Bin Ladin. Spread the love, offer blessings- a potentially powerful experience, but I spent so much time trying to remember the order of the four blessings that my mind truly did stay on track. the thought that distracted by the most was a feeling of sincerely and very reallly missing my fmaily. AS soon as sun set on Shabbat, I drove to Kings Park. Admittedly, I kept saying the mantras during the ride, and even blessed the gas station attendant and a guy who helped me with directions salong the way. "May that dude by blessed with peace," I began.

It seems as though I should ahve been bored. We say in the round yurt on back jacks and pillows, cozied up to the fire place and repeated (silently) the phrases fo hours. "Services" consisted of a few short blessings, repeated over and over again for several minutes, first aloud and then in out minds. For the Torah service, we could choose to go up for the aliyot whose subject matter called to us.

So, what's my final analysis? I loved the silent part and the clarity and calmness it offered. I wore no watch and felt free from the normal constraints of time and to do lists. I had time to think, even if it was only about four phrases! Overall, I had more difficulty with the experience as a Jewish one. I am supportive of the renewal movement in that I feel it offers a Judaism that is palatable and desirable to many people who would otherwise be unaffiliated. At the same time, I fear that in focusing on the oneness, on the mediation and on the practices that Judaism shares with more trendy religious practices like BUddhism and Kabbalah, I worry that the more traditional and equally important aspects of Judaism are being overlooked, forgotten and replaces by the more enticing elements.


Sukkot later. I've got to get to sleep. To make a long story short, we started our sukkah today and spent the night building it with the Adamah and Eilat Chayyim members of our community. We painted the totempole like support poles and had a drum circle, free style singing, rapping and dancing, and a series of fire spinners. As the partying continues, I still feel like the cops are going to come any minutes, until I remember how we live in the outskirts of Falls Village and that the directors of the site are out there spinning fire, dancing, and painting along with us.

This place is unlike any other, and I am so glad to be able to see it, feel and learn from it. If living in this tight - knit of a community poses challenges, as it ineveitable will, I will only be stronger for it.