The irony is not lost on me...

here I set out for a journey - a trip where each day would present me with new choices, with infinite opportunities and the freedom to explore any of them...
and then, in the poetic justice of life, I found myself in the most unpredictable of circumstances...

If a war alone were not enough to tame my wandering spirit, I was told 2 long weeks ago that my boss had mailed off my passport to Tel Aviv and that it would be at least 2 weeks until it would be back.

Just when I'd felt that the kibbutz experience was coming to a close, when the itching in my feet was becoming unbearable and my desire to see new places and meet new people had reached what I thought was an apex - boom, I found myself stuck, in one place, for at least 2 weeks. Rachel, the girl who almost never stays in one place for 5 consecutive days, has spent all of the past 2 weeks in the same square kilometer - and what's more, in 6 weeks, I have spent only 2 nights away from home.

Lesson learned.

What have I done, thus, with an abundance of free time, and - most unusual of all - a very strict and predictable routine? I have tried to relish it and have discovered the importance and rewards of discipline - something I never before considered.

I just finished reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being in which Kundera writes, "Happiness is the longing for repetition." And in fact, I realized that I don't have many habits or routines that I enjoy every day. Reading the paper, yes, drinking that morning coffee, etc...

And so, in the past 2 weeks, I have added some discipline to my days - swimming and writing regularly. And always trying to remember to relish the moment. While working at the baby house had started to become extremely boring, in the past few days I have been enjoying it more and more. I finally feel very connected to the children, and close to the 2 women I work with. Indeed, it seems these two extra weeks have given me the opportunity to establish much more meaningful relationships here. While I've spent less time with the volunteers in general - drinking beer and having somewhat meaningless conversations - I have been more active in kibbutz life, and among 2 of the kibbutz families.

This past week, I organized a clean up of one of the volunteer houses. A family of 6 from the north will be moving in this afternoon. As I cleaned the house, I thought of Waterside, and the promise I made the children there that I would "leave the world better than I found it." It was really inspiring to see the other volunteers who were willing to wake up early to help clean the house. In a war that offers so many questions, and where right and wrong elude me, it felt good to know that I was participating in even the tiniest of ways, but in a way that seemed incontroversially good.

Still, I have very mixed feelings about this war. I think I wanted to leave Israel with a spirit of unwavering Zionism, with an unconditional love for Ha'Aretz and a strong support for their cause. Many of the people around me do feel this spirit. I have met several lone soldiers - volunteers from England, the us or south Africa who sign up to fight with Israel even though they are not citizens and do not have family in Israel. Their confidence and conviction is amazing and I envy it and I Think of the quote, "If you haven;t found something worth dying for, you haven't really lived." (In which case, I guess I am still waiting for life...)

And so, I have taken advantage of these extra two weeks here and will continue to do so in the next few days. I remind myself to enjoy the free time, the heat, (44 degrees C!) the time to read, the free food and lodging... And I try to listen to the conversations around me, to learn from the shmorgasboard of people and perspectives that surround me on this desert island.

The good news is, my passport arrived today and as we speak it is burning a hole in my pocket, awakening the butterflies in my stomach and the ants in my pants (to be as trite as humanly possible)

I plan on leaving Kibbutz this Wednesday, but not before one more tiyul in the sand dunes and a jazz concert on Tuesday night.

Destination? Still not certain... I will keep you posted.